


Blackout

by writetheniteaway



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Pre-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Rebelcaptainsecretsanta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22195870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetheniteaway/pseuds/writetheniteaway
Summary: Gifted for the rebelcaptainsecretasanta exchange, prompt: hurt/comfort.Set during and after the attack on Hoth, Cassian is on a mission and Jyn was on the base. Cassian worries, but Jyn does not handle it well.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Leia Organa/Han Solo mentioned
Comments: 9
Kudos: 90
Collections: The RebelCaptain Network Secret Santa Exchange





	Blackout

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YoukaiLuvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoukaiLuvr/gifts).



It had been another long night. Cassian presses his eyes in exhaustion as he settles himself on the edge of his bed, much more comfortable than the cots he usually crashed in, seeing as his cover was wealthier than he usually took on. He thanks whatever force was out there for the small luxury of being able to play a part that allowed him to use of the actual bed. Of course, it also meant staying up far too late pretending to be inebriated and losing at cards, keeping everyone in a cheerful enough mood to stay chatting, slipping bits and pieces of information over their clinking glasses. He had credits to burn at the gambling table, and a few more left over than he thought he would. Another small luxury. He considered pocketing it for an emergency, but he also considered bringing a surprise back for Jyn.

He knew Hoth was the last place she wanted to be, cramped and underground most of the time. He knew it weighed on her more than she’d let him see that he was on a mission alone, one of those sorts where his job was to fall off the edge of the galaxy and not come back until he had something worth reporting. He would bring her home something colorful, or warm, and she would chide him for wasting perfectly good credits on something foolish, and he would remind her that it’s his job to be the pragmatic one. He would be home again soon, and it brought him small comfort to think of the home waiting for him.

He had barely brushed sleep when his com piece sounded loudly beside him. The distress code in every language, pattern, and signal word he was aware of going back three years. He swears loudly and swings his legs over the side again. He wouldn't try and contact the main base right now, but there was an outpost that might know more.

He sends out his call-sign, scrambled-as was emergency protocol-and waits for a reply. It takes longer than usual, which he expected, but did nothing for his nerves. When he finally gets the response, it’s short and clipped. _Stay where you are, nothing to go back to, compromised beyond repair._ _Communication blackout until further notice._ His stomach drops. Most of the rebel fleet was on Hoth. Supplies. weapons ships, people. A person. _His_ person.

He switches to the channel for her com on instinct, but training takes over before he can get out a message. And it was training that switched the com off altogether, and training that buried it in the drawer beside his bed. He knew enough of what happened. He knew his orders. The rest would have to wait.

_

Jyn scans the room, not wanting to appear the mother hen but needing to know, worrying the crystal at her neck, trying to keep herself calm while she took stock. Bodhi had been on the first transport out. She knew because he was piloting it, and they forced him to take off before it was loaded fully. He'd been waiting for them, his little family. But he got an order, and it made sense, to see if they could get passed a blockade, to use the turn coat trooper as experimental blaster fodder.

She finally catches sight of Chirrut in the corner. She sees no sign of Baze, but Chirrut senses her gaze, and the nod he gives her gave her assurance. Out of sight, but certainly safe. She doubts it would have taken her this long to find any of them otherwise.

It was selfish how many times she'd been thankful Cassian was off planet. They were all her family. But he was home; and it kept her steady in the calm of the chaos around her to know at the very least, that he wasn’t beneath the ruble they’d left behind.

_

Before, it wouldn't have been a problem. Partially as an occupational hazard, and partially to protect himself, Cassian had never been particularly close with anyone on base. Of course he cared for the rebellion, or at least did everything he could for it. But loss was loss, no matter where it came from or what side and there was nothing to be done, and no purpose in worrying.

He wasn't sure if it was an improvement or a weakness that suddenly felt so very differently about not knowing the exact number of people, not having an accurate roster. And no way to check in. If it were Solo half a system away with the Princess known to be on a now destroyed base, no such order can keep him for going to find out if she was alright. Cassian though, had a very hard time breaking rules, save for that one lapse in judgment that had saved them all. He couldn’t deny the temptation though.

He would know if something had happened, he thought almost arrogantly. If he couldn't feel it in the force the way to Chirrut could, he would know it in his heart by the way they're inexplicably tied together. It scares him a little bit to stop and think how true that might be. Perhaps it's a fairy tale or fantasy, and maybe he's just telling himself that so he doesn't get more distracted than he already is wondering whether or not Jyn is alive.

_

When he gets back he'll be proud of how well she followed orders, she thinks ruefully. The entire Alliance is on a communication blackout save for absolutely critical messages, and Jyn and Draven definitely did not see eye to eye on what was considered an essential message. She thought it fairly smug of her worshipness to go along with such an order, when her little family had been right there beside her all the time. Must be nice to be a hero, to get those sorts of perks where you can decide who your people are, where they are, whether they're sent to who knows where alone, whether they're sent to die without ever knowing. Jyn didn't have the same pull that Leia did. Despite being every bit as much the hero.

She wasn't raised soft. She wasn't raised a diplomat. She wasn't a born leader and half them still thought that she was a spy, and half of them still thought she was a turncoat and the whole thing had been a decoy. Nine times out of ten it didn't bother her. But she wanted Cassian to know she was all right. She needed to hear his voice, needed that reassurance for herself that everything wasn't falling apart.

_

on day six Cassian starts to get starts to get information, but not what he needs. Numbers, and data points. But no names, and still a blackout on all non-essential communication. They're not organized enough to have names yet, but he isn’t allowed to call her himself. He buries the thought in the bottom of his pack as he prepares to leave, giving one last bitter look around his too comfortable room.

The Alliance is scattered in three different systems now, some of them are a day's journey out some of them ten. The closest is halfway across the galaxy from Hoth, which means Cassian, who had been on a short range short term mission, now had a much longer journey back, and even then no guarantee he would be home.

_

Jyn knows where they are now is half a system away from where they were, and an even longer journey from where he was. She knows, because she made a large enough scene to demand it, that any off-base personnel had orders not to communicate and to just stay undercover and out of sight as much as possible until there was a safe rendezvous point. She knows all of this ,and she's gone over and over and over it in her head, and with K and Bodhi, Chirrut and Baze, exhausting them all tediously with her worry.

There's less places to hide in this new place, and it makes her feel trapped. She begs to be allowed out on a supply run, a mapping mission, anything to get her out of there. Anything to give her a distraction of any kind. “No one leaves,” or so Draven says. “We need to get everyone back in one place.” The kindness of his voice nearly chokes her.

It's been twenty-three days since the attack on the base. The princess had been captured, again, and managed to escape, but not without leaving Solo frozen in carbonite. Jyn heard snippets of a conversation following her down a hallway. About rescue missions and recon and strategic small forces. Her blood began to boil and it evidently it reads on her face.

“Are you alright?” Skywalker asks her. Jyn never knew him as anything other than good natured and eager, so it really wasn't fair when she snapped at him.

“Your friends’s lost, and the whole rebellion is on hold because he needs to be brought back. What makes him more important than anyone else? Because he's a war hero, because he helped you blow up the Death Star? I know two things about that. I know the heroes didn't make it home, and I know Cassian and I did just as much and no one's out looking for him!” Jyn surprises herself with how far she's taken it. Luke stares at her wide it confused and Leia looks ready to spit fire, but years of diplomacy keep her from it.

“You're right, it isn't fair.” Leia says finally. “I'm sorry you're upset. But that doesn't mean I can't go. That doesn't mean I can stay here.” She looks like she's asking for absolution and Jyn has half of mind to refrain from giving it, but what good does cruelty do her now.

“I understand, bring him home.” They’re halfway down the hallway before it occurs to him. Luke turns back and shouts out Jyn’s name. She turns back.

“You'll see him again soon.” He speaks with gravity that looks out of place in his small frame, but something about his words hit Jyn in a way that she’ll almost dare to hope.

_

Cassian scans the base, looking for any sign of her. He’s going through the motions, checking back in his weapons, his data drive, schedules himself for a debrief. Draven tries to pull him in for an immediate meeting, and Cassian complies more out of habit than any other compulsion. As it seems that Draven is settling in for what seems like a very long conversation, suddenly Cassian snaps. “I can't do this now,” Draven looks surprised. He expects it from her, but not from Cassian.

“She's alive,” Draven says, “I don't know where exactly she is right this second but she's somewhere on the base. Now can we-“

Cassian is out the door of his makeshift office before the last word resonates.

_

Bodhi’s pounding on the door of the room Jyn shares with six other women. “I need to talk to Jyn,” He insists as she slides past her judgmental neighbors and out the door.

“What?”

“Cassian is back.”

“Are you sure?” She asks, not daring yet to hope.

“I haven't seen him but Chirrut says so.” it's enough for her. She takes off flying towards the landing deck, dodging people as she goes.

_

This base is entirely foreign to him and it's infuriating. It's technically larger than the one on Hoth, but even more cramped and dark and designed to confuse people. He has no idea where he's going or where or where she might be, only that he couldn’t sit in a room with Draven drilling him a second longer.

She made three wrong turns on her way to the hangar bay, Bodhi chasing behind trying to help. She rattles at a locked door and frustration, practically frantic and nearly sprinting when she takes a corner sharp. She turns to shout out whoever gotten her way but freezes. Cassian shakes his head in disbelief. It takes her a second longer to register before she throws herself at him. She buries her face in the crook of her neck, and they stay like that for a long moment, out of touch with anything around them, only focused on the other. “Welcome home,” she finally whispers to him. It earns her a bitter laugh.

-

They find a room for one so far unclaimed, and it becomes their home, at least for now. There’s a mostly warm fresher, and a bed that will fit both of them if they stay close, and Jyn is so happy for the excuse to curl tightly onto him that she can’t bring herself to complain. They’re a tangle of limbs, Jyn hasn’t let him more than a foot away since he’s been back. Her back is pressed against his chest and their arms are interlaced, hands held tight as if they’re each afraid the other might disappear.

Jyn is pensive, even in his arms, and it worries him.

“Talk to me, _querida,_ ’ It’s halfway a demand and halfway a plea.

“It was a long time,” She offers by way of crude explanation, child-like in her displeasure. He knows the weight behind her worry though, knows the hard losses and harder won survival she’s endured.

“I know.” He kisses her temple. “I’m sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault,” She insists, shifting to face him. “It’s them, and this place and their rules. They don’t care about you-“

“Stop, stop.” He interrupts her. “Where is this coming from?”

The story of what happened to Solo, and more importantly the response to it, tumbles out of her. He listens, let’s her rave about them in private, let’s her blow off steam. He knows this still isn’t what’s really wrong, and that despite her fire that there are layers to Jyn that need to be carefully peeled off before he can find out what’s actually got her upset.

“And they were halfway across the galaxy using Alliance fuel and an Alliance ship and Alliance credits to bribe people with and I wasn’t so much as allowed to let you know I hadn’t died. And you were gone for almost twice as long as you were meant to be and I didn’t know whether you were hurt or captured or lost or anything because they didn’t care whether or not you lived or died-“

“And that’s how it is, and how it has always been, and will always be.” He cuts her off there. “They can’t afford to care about one spy Jyn. Solo is visible, high profile. Losing him is a loss to the cause. Losing me,” He shrugs. “It’s what we train for. To be useful for as long as we can, and die before we make more trouble than we were worth.”

“Don’t ever say that again,” she growls at him.

“It’s the truth-“

“Not to me!” She insists. “To hell with the rebellion, you have to come back to me. I can’t-“ She chokes on the heart of the matter, close to hyperventilating with a sudden realization of how close she had come to losing him.

“Shhh,” He soothes her, cradling her face in his hand and wiping the tears that gave her away from her cheeks with his thumb. “I know it doesn’t seem fair-“

“They wouldn’t have told me. If you died they wouldn’t have told me,”

“Probably not,” He agrees with her.

“Doesn’t that bother you?” She asks him incredulously.

“It didn’t until just now,” He says honestly. “And it still doesn’t, other than it upsets you. And I don’t want that.”

“Promise me you’ll break protocol next time,” She demands.

“You know I can’t promise that,” He counters.

“Please-“ She says, voice smaller than he’s heard from her.

“It’s alright, Jyn” He says softly, steering her away from the topic at hand. “I came home,”

“This time,” She says pitifully.

“Look at me,” He tilts her face to meet his gaze. “I can’t promise I’ll come back every time I go Jyn-“ She goes to interrupt him but he cuts her off. “But I promise I will always try. I won’t ever give up. Alright?”

She thinks it over for a minute before nodding her consent. Cassian kisses her forehead again before pulling her close. He knew her fears, and there was very little he could offer as assurance. But for the moment, he could hold tight to her, and remind her that he had come back to her, and at least for now, that she was not alone.


End file.
